I had a snow day from work today and so have been working on my book all day, save a few breaks to eat and one break to watch a movie. Although this book isn’t a romance (it’s an urban fantasy) there is a sub-plot where my heroine and hero begin to fall in love. I say begin, because this is the first book in the series and they’ve just met each other. Right now they’re at the point where they’ve realized how much they enjoy being around each other. They know they like each other…a lot! I was even tempted to have them confess their love of each other at this point, but it felt a bit too soon. These two have, after all, been to hell and back. They’ve had a very emotional journey, they’re new to each other and they’re still experiencing that newness attraction people experience when they first meet and get together. They are absolutely hot for each other (not just physically), but are they in love with each other?
WHAT IS LOVE?
That got me to thinking about love and falling in love. Everyone’s definition of love is very individualized (which can make it tough when two people meet!). For me, I don’t know if I believe everyone who professes love really is in love. Maybe it’s possible to love someone after a first date, but I don’t think so. You don’t really know that person. It’s more likely you’re in love with who you think that person is, or who you want them to be. To my mind, love isn’t about drooling over how hot your partner is and it isn’t about having a few great dates. That stuff helps love get its start, but it’s not love. I have fun with my girlfriends and there are plenty of men out there who are very good looking, but I’m not in love with any of them. Fun times, good looks and compatibility are great, but are they love? What exactly is love? I don’t know if I have the answer, but I think love is something that develops over time. As the years pass, you fall more madly in love with the person you’re with. And each year is the same.
LOVE IN PRACTICAL TERMS
I’m gonna use Tina and Tommy as an example. Tina and Tommy (TnT) have been together for a bit over four years. That first year was absolute magic. It was like floating on a cloud. It was absolute heaven. They really loved each other, but in that time nothing bad had happened. It’s easy to say you love someone when everything is good. The second year was when things started to happen. Tommy lost his job and couldn’t find another. As a result, he was angry a lot and often distant. Tina knew Tommy was hurting, but she wasn’t sure how to help him. He pushed her away emotionally and she eventually stopped trying to help. This is where love comes in. TnT really love each other, and they don’t want to lose each other, so they work through the distance that’s developed between them (of course I’m simplifying things since I don’t want to write a full on book here!) and stay together. Now, their relationship is stronger. Their love is deeper than it was when they were skipping through that magical time. That’s not to say the magic times are over, but I don’t think you can really say you love somebody until you’ve seen them at their best and their worst.
- The meaning of a smile (psychologytoday.com)
- “Love is difficult to define, and there maybe different definitions. But one definition of love, and perhaps the most pure and exalted kind of love, is an utter, absolute, and unqualified wish for the other’s happiness.” (tbdetermined.wordpress.com)
- love defined. (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)
- When Couples Fight (thinksimplenow.com)
- Love is a Drug (socyberty.com)
- Superficial Love (socyberty.com)